In Jess' eyes

(here is Jess' promised blog entree! You're awesome baby!)

We moved. It was worse than puberty. And anyone who knows me remembers that my teen years were unpleasant for everyone involved.

Moving, for those of you who are lucky enough to not have endured it yet, goes like this: You put everything you own into boxes. These boxes are required to stink, but just a little bit. You tape the boxes shut. The required tape is available for purchase at several fine retail locations. It is the stickiest substance on earth, with the single exception being when combined with cardboard. It does not stick to cardboard. It will tear the skin right off your bones if (heaven forbid) you get in on you, but closing boxes with it is like trying to push a rope up a hill. Once all your belongings have been placed into stinky no-stick boxes you put it all in a truck. The interior temperature of this truck will be hovering right around 200 degrees. This is a convenient feature provided by the moving truck company to make sure all the liquid in your body exits via the armpits. Your belongings will not all fit into the truck. This is physics in action. Driving to the new place of residence is usually uneventful. The top speed of the furnace/truck is nine miles per hour, so plan ahead. You will arrive at the new house and unload your things. This has basically the same effect as dragging wet garbage into your new house (it will rain the day you move, guaranteed), provided the wet garbage has a hefty helping of tiny cardboard fragments, which you will find in your house until two weeks before you move again. Once the belongings are safely stowed in the new house there is a mandatory two-week waiting period before you can unpack the stinky no-stick boxes. I think this rule is tied to the 72-hour handgun laws. The stinky no-stick wet garbage cardboard boxes will have had time to infuse your clothes with the cardboard stink, so hang them up. The remainder of you stuff can sit for who knows how long in the attic/garage/backyard because you'll be a monkey's uncle if you're ever going to move again. It's a pretty straightforward cycle.

You know what? If I was in charge, we'd never leave here. I would get old in this house and demand to be buried in the back yard under a headstone that says, "Now you may move, but I'm still staying put."

However, I'm not in charge...I'm not even close to in charge. The latest Gallup polls show me in fifth place for "Boss of the Winn House." (I'm neck-and-neck for fourth position, just behind the lizard that lives somewhere near the front door!) We're going to have to move again someday. I'm preparing for that day, and I've compiled a little collection of notes to myself to help reduce the number of inevitable coronary episodes I'll experience next time we relocate.

Hopefully by sharing the small lessons I've learned I can alleviate some pain for any of you who get roped into moving someday. Here's the skinny:

- Get the insurance on the truck. I came so dangerously close to buying a severely damaged U-Haul that I was literally thinking about which organs I don't really use very often so I could sell something on the black market. (If you're curious, it was pancreas, followed closely by left kidney...head's up lefty...) I banged up the side of the truck pretty seriously, and destroyed a fence in the process. This is entirely Cari's fault. Maybe one day she'll tell you about how she caused the incident.

-Get to know the missionaries. They're easy to please, and they're usually in pretty good shape; they had my stuff out of the house in less than an hour. Plus, FREE!

-Have a back up plan. My back up plan was: panic. This was not a concise enough back up plan. Next time I'm going to involve a decision-making process and then panic. I'm betting I'll be much better prepared. We ended up having to stay two nights in hotels because the closing on the house didn't go as planned. Flip side: we destroyed a housekeeping cart that got left outside the door. No more buying tiny soaps and cheap shower caps for the Winn Family!

-Strap explosives to your body. This lets people know you're serious. No threats, cause that's a crime, but having explosives (I'm pretty sure...) isn't illegal.

-Remember you love your family. Someday the move will be over, and you'll be sitting in a beautiful, new house with a stunning wife and little boys who have been better than angelic through the whole experience. Whatever angry, frustrated, fed-up feeling you have about moving five years of junk from one place to another on the hottest day of the year, keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear your stupid, whiny voice complain about how bad it was. Just sit back with your baby, cuddle with your boys, and enjoy the feeling of being in a place where you can finally feel "home."

Moving/Homeless/New House

So..our move was exciting. Jess will detail it to everyone soon...but since I don't know when "soon" is, I thought I'd give the basics and later you can be amused by his mad writting skills! I've made a list of the good and bad experiences from moving. Here we go:

NOT SO GOOD:

On closing day (the 30th of May), the letter from the termite guy had not been approved by the underwritters---closing delay-till Monday (and then Tuesday...then Wednesday...then Thursday.)

Jess missed his promotion ceremony (He's a Staff Seargent now! WOO WOO)

Cari get’s stung by a bee--and falls down the hill (it really did look awesome)

Jess wrecks the Uhaul and our apartments fence (no insurance on the UHAUL)

By Tuesday..we've been assured that we'll probably be closing--we get all moved out, still no closing...so we pile it in the new homes garage.

Had to stay in Hotels for two nights

Didn’t close until a week later then planned

GREAT:

Our plan was to move on Tues. anyway so the delay wasn't soooo bad

I really probably did look AWESOME falling down the hill grabbing my neck from the bee sting--and talking on the phone. (just ask Jess-he was cracking up)

Awesome friends helped out with kids and watched them during much of the moving madness.

The Uhaul and Fence cost drastically less than imagined!

The fact that we got to put our stuff in the garage at all was awesome.

Good friends offered their homes to us so we didn't HAVE to stay in a hotel. (Jess has a thing about intruding–but it was nice of them to offer anyway.)

Free continental breakfasts!(I love those!)

We got to eat out a ton!

We played with our boys sooooooo much!

Jess and I learned from their amazing spirits and attitudes–smiling and laughing all the while...

We got to take the kids to Kung Foo Panda– Luke was hilarious to watch--doing his version of Kung Foo through out the film---complete with volume. The boys loved it and it was fun to watch them and the movie.

Jess and I saw sides of each other in stressful situations that were beautiful.

So ya--all and all--it was awesome! And we love love our new home and other then sprinklers that are positioned outside the fence and squirt the fence directly...no negative surprises! It's been wonderful and we're so so so blessed. We love you all!!

Our 2 Year Old!

So in commemoration of Luke's birthday this last month--I thought I'd write a bit about him and the joy he spreads! First--you should know, he's crazy! Just crazy. Always running and pirating, making exciting messes to clean up, and just being Luke!

Seriously–Luke has this power over my heart though. He could do the worst thing ever...and when I try to discipline him–he smiles, gives hugs, says--"I love you mommy", and looks at me with these sweet eyes–and I just melt. It’s ridiculous. Kade never tries to get out of anything like that–but Luke–oh my...it’s almost like his eyelashes are literally fluttering all the time. Goofy kid. I’m in tons of trouble though with him and I know it. Cause see, he’s going to try a lot... he’s so sneaky and so curious--and, I might have mentioned this before--he's just crazy. And ya know what–I already know that he’s going to get away with most of it. AHH-I’m going to need a lot of help with this whole mothering thing.

He’s so funny–the other day I was getting the boys breakfast ready while they were playing in their room. I hear Kade yell, “MOM–Luke's doing something bad!!!” So I ran upstairs and see a solid white child. Luke had covered his body in Desitin...oh so so covered. It was so funny though cause he was just smiling and continuing to smooth it all out after he saw I was there. And here is case in point to his getting away with anything-- I said–don’t touch anything–I need my camera-and ran downstairs...
After taking a few photo's and realizing that it was ridiculous to tell a two-year old covered in bum cream not touch anything–and then turn my back–I put him in the bath. LAME-O! He he, I’m a nerd–a cream that’s purpose is to keep a child dry–is more then likely water resistant–he he, so after fighting that thought and scrubbing his stomach for 5 minutes with soap (thinking–“really....–it’s really not going to work?”) then I took him out of the bath and just took a towel and rubbed him down. I can’t believe how much he had on him! He he, it made me and Kade laugh so much. Silly kid. (Because of my awesome “discipline technique” on this last one–he probably still thinks it’s a fantastic idea to have more desitin fun tomorrow! I’m awesome.) -(ewww, this is what happens when you wait a minute or two before taking care of a problem--on the lips! gross)
Here’s the thing though–he’s always doing stuff like that. Jess found him in the bathroom the other day, wearing jess' glasses--and brushing his teeth with everyone's toothbrush's--complete with toothpaste everywhere! (He’s always trying to break out the toothbrushes–he LOVES brushing his teeth. I think it’s hilarious that I have to limit him to 3 times a day–he'd do it all day if I let him.)
While waiting to fall asleep the other day he was just shouting letters out in a random order to a random song. It doesn’t sound strange until you imagine it–just all by himself–shouting....so loud–he he. Oh, he totally knows all his letters! He surprises me so much–cause he learned it without me. (If anyone wants motherhood lessons--I'm totally open!:) That's what ya get for being the second child I guess. I'm pretty sure it came mostly from Kade and the “Word Whammer” on the fridge that Grandma gave Kade for last years birthday. Oh, and he can count from 1-20 (well, 16-19 sound mostly exactly the same...)
Anyway--I love him sooooooooo much and I am just so much happier because I have him in my life! FUN!


At the zoo last week with our friends the Livseys for Hayden's birthday. They're showing their STAMPEDE faces!

Luke turned 2 on Sunday! woo woo! Sunday after church and naps--Kade hid Luke's presents, and was so excited for Luke--when I asked him why, he said, "because he'll good some good stuff and maybe he'll share with me."
And Luke did--and he's trying to share--I'm sure of it(Luke just hit the "MINE" stage and it's not always so pretty) At any rate we sang "Happy Birthday 4 or 5 times cause Luke kept wanting to blow out the candles and it was fun. Then on Monday some of his friends from the neighborhood had cake and ice cream with us.
Luke wanted a sponge-bob square pants cake for his birthday so that's what I made (I know he's only 2 but it's just so cute to hear him say his whole name.) Mom Adams gave Kaden a musical book at the beginning of the year with a bazillion songs about sponge-bob. Now Luke knows all the songs and is a HUGE fan. Anyway--it was nice and easy and now he's 2! FUN.







There's a place called Phinizy Swamp Nature Park about 15 minutes from our house. Jess and I took the kids to it a year and a half ago--and it was winter--and it was ugly. But I kept hearing good things about it and took the kids last week. IT WAS GORGEOUS!

They loved walking around and we even saw a water snake, regular snake, and tons of turtles.(and a hiker said there were two otters in the lake area and a biker said he kept seeing an alligator, but we couldn't see either.)

Anyway--this time around it really was so pretty and we loved it.

Jonathans Home!

WELCOME HOME JONATHAN. I am so so so happy. My brother-in-law Jonathan has been in Kuwait for the past year and was finally able to come home yesterday and I'm soooooo excited for all of them!!! Welcome home and thank you for your service--We love you guys!!!

Camping & The Masters

A couple of weekends ago we went camping and it was sooooooooooooo fun! here's the thing. If it were up to me, we would have brought EVERYTHING. Toys, DVD player, tons of food, tried dutch oven cooking....I have learned something huge from Jess:

That way's lame.

Jess lives the simple life. This was our trip: We packed the tent, mattresses, and sleeping bags, Packed p'j's and poptarts, pick up a pizza on the way to the camp sight and that was it. APPARENTLY...nature is a good entertainer. Who knew? Anyway it was so fun and our first family camp out. The boys loved it and because it went so well, odds are we'll do this again--with Jess' way of packing (which apparently is from Dad Winn's influence...so thanks! (you're so smart).






Yesterday my friend Sarah and I went to the Masters Golf Tournament (well, kinda--we sorta just asked a guy outside to sell us a cheap ticket to just see the grounds on one of the practice round days.) and it was gorgeous! I also learned that I probably wouldn't be a very good golf spectator....Apparently it's a "quiet watching sport". Any more questions? I've never once been mistaken for a "quiet" type person. I'm more of a screamer--I accidently screamed once...you know...like a wooo hoo (cause it was a great hit--is that what you'd call it, a hit--a shot--a clubb'n???) that was a little too much I noticed very quickly. he he...ooh, Cari you might be saying--you're a big nerd.--Oooh, the lessons you learn. But the grounds were awesome and we had a great time!


The LAWN MOWER TRAIN

JESS IS AWESOME!

Jess has spent the last 6 weeks at Shaw Air Force Base completing Airman Leadership School. The point of the school is to train the Airman who qualify for Staff Sergeant how to lead and inspire those that they will be over. Jess' graduation was last night and he received the most prestigious award of the night--the "John L. Levitow Award." It's recipient is determined by their displayed leadership ability, their grades, and over-all "freaken awesome-ness" (I might have made that last one up). I was sooooooooooo excited when they called his name. Jess "knew" he wasn't going to get it because he felt he did poorly on one of the important tests and wasn't expecting it at all. It was so beautiful to watch his face when they called his name! Anyway--it was a beautiful moment and I have an AMAZING husband!!!!

Easter was fun, we went to a Easter egg hunt for the city on Thursday and the boys had about a bazillion eggs to pick from. LOTS OF EGGS. They loved it! We actually celebrated Easter on Saturday for a couple of reasons but one is because Jess had to leave after church on Sunday to go back to Shaw. So Friday night, we had The Easter Bunny call our house and have Kade answer the phone. He said he'd be stopping by our house one day earlier so to go to bed quick. Kade got in bed so fast!

Jumping Fire!

Just a little something the kids like to do....Just kidding, nobody worry--it was all supervised and had a purpose...some of our best friends out here, are our neighbors the Mozifarri's. They're both Persian and this Thursday is their New Years. So...one of the cultural traditions is to jump fire on Tuesday night in preparation for Ash Wednesday (correct me if I'm wrong Sarah) to rid yourself of the bad of the last year and get the fires energy-for a healthy new year. (it's different then the real Ash Wednesday--but that is the literal translation of the Persian term). Then that same night is their Halloween sort of; but apparently they eat healthy, with nuts and dried fruits being handed out! Awesome! Anyway--they invited us to do it with them and it was lots of fun. The kids loved it! (when will they ever get the chance again---Awesome!) So here is some of the fun:

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Happy St. Patty's Day

"A real leprechaun? AWESOME"
"Gr-een, o-meal"
Kade's been looking forward to St. Patricks Day since last year when we sorta forgot about it. So this year we did it right. Luke loves oatmeal, so for breakfast--while they were cleaning up their room, I made green oatmeal. It was so cute, cause Kade was so excited that a leprechaun snuck in and turned our breakfast green. (So when does it not feel like lying...it was so cute to see how excited he was though.) So he wore as much green as he could and we had a great day! exactly why we paint outside! It was adorable yesterday morning because we went to a park that has a track around a playground. Often when I made my way around, I'd be joined by Luke or Kade--running with me (which is when I realized that Kade really is faster then me!) or jogging (I love watching Luke run!) or riding their bikes along side. It was adorable. Anyway--the day was great and we even decorated our Easter Eggs and paint with friends outside. I hope every ones St. Patty's Day was as awesome! my canvas



Do your ears point up?
Do you have a lot of luck?
For gold do you dig?
Can you dance an Irish Jig?
If you answered yes,
You're a leprechaun I guess.
Do your ears point up?

So, I have been "tagged" by my sister Nikki to tell to write some of the words from the nearest book I'm reading...so here goes:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next five sentences.
5. Tag five people.

So just so y'all know, the book I'm currently reading is "Porter Rockwell--A biography". (also--for those of you who don't know--he was Joseph Smiths friend and bodyguard.) I heard a song that said Porter was a "modern-day Samson" and I had no idea that Joseph Smith told Porter not to cut his hair, and to live faithfully, and that his enemies would have no power over him, that they would not be able to take his life. I told Mom and Dad Winn--and apparently lots of people knew that..soo, I decided to do some research. Porter Rockwell was mostly illiterate so nearly all the book is taken from others accounts. Anyway, it's super interesting. And now, here are the sentences:

"To the nearly deserted streets of Nauvoo, Porter finally returned. While walking down a lonely road he quietly reminisced on his former friendship with the Prophet, and chanced to come upon his son, Joseph Smith, III, a 13-year-old lad.
Young Joseph mentions in his memoirs, "I saw him coming down the street, and I ran across our yard, climbed the fence , and jumped down on the other side close by him, greeting him and extending my hand. He shook it warmly, put an arm affectionately across my shoulders, and said, with much emotion, 'Oh, Joseph, Joseph! they have killed the only friend I have ever had!'"

So ya--that was a sad part, and really--lots of the book is about how hard his life must have been, but it's documented really well and has helped me learn a lot about that time.

Okay...Thanks Nikki. love ya!

Getting back into the swing of things...

So I realized that I don't have any new pictures since we got back from Utah, so to make up for it I added two of my favorite commercials for your viewing fulfillment. (if your new to this blogging stuff.. (mom, he he) Just pause the music on the side until your done watching.)We'll start this off with one of my favorite videos:



We're getting back into the groove of Georgia and loving the weather. Just a few nights ago I watched a lightening storm that lit up our house for close to an hour--it was awesome--and the thunder is so loud...I love storms!

Jess is at Shaw Air Force Base Sunday nights thru Friday and we get him on the weekends. We've been managing but missing him like crazy. Luke sees the car home all the time and get's so excited and says, "Daddy home Daddy home". It's so sad to have to remind him over and over again that it's us that's home with the car--Daddy will be home later this week. But the weekends are sooooo great!

Here's one of my favorite commercials ever--it makes me laugh everytime (Emily, Melodie, Nik and Chris plus more have seen this lots of times cause really--I just think it's so funny!) Wait...now there's way too much build up--go into it thinking--regular commercial--there--that's better. Here it is:




Oh, oh, by the way--Jess recieved the VOLUNTEER OF THE YEAR AWARD for his Squadron here at Fort Gordon and we are soooooooooooooo proud of him (he's super modest about it but he works so hard and is just...just awesome. So Congrats baby! And sorry--I had to put it on the blog!)

Also, another shoutout for my little brother Scott-He was in a bouldering (rock climbing) competition last week and is just awesome! I saw the pictures and he's so good! Anyway--good job!

Oh, and Luke is officially in a big boy bed now--the crib is down and the bunk bed is up--it's so cute! He has the Superman bed on the bottom and Kade braves it in the Spiderman bed up top. As some of you know, Kade occasionally wakes up in the middle of the night screaming that he has to go to the bathroom but he's not awake enough to figure out how to do that--just enough to scream...so that's a little more interesting getting him from the top, but what else could you want in the middle of a peaceful night--some excitment!

They love how easy it is to make the bottom bunk a fort/ a spaceship/ a time machine...anything really. They're so cute together. The other day Kade told me that Luke wasn't his brother anymore, he was his buddy. Now he knows that he can be both and loves that!

Last week Kade gave a talk in primary on the Brother of Jared. He told Grandma and Grandpa Adams all of it on the phone but Grandma Winn wanted to see it so...here it is for anyone who wants to join her. It was a bit of a struggle to do it (what with Luke crying and my amazing camera work...)but it's beautiful in it's raw form I'm sure!

Utah Vacation!!!

So as most of you know, me and the boys spent a month out in Utah. It was great! We missed Jess like crazy and are now glad to be back but it was so so great seeing so many friends and family. It had been way too long! We miss you all and love you like crazy! I was able to spend time at mom and dad's house which was crazy busy and so fun because Nikki and her two kids were there visiting as well. Christy came down with Gavin when she could and Kade and Gavin LOVED EACH OTHER. I've never seen Kade play so well for so long laughing the whole time. It was so cute to watch! We played in the snow, made snow drinks ( ya--we know snow has lots of pollution but when you add sugar, vanilla, milk and more sugar--it's so yummy! plus--we did it all the time as kids and wanted to pass it on.), celebrated birthdays (Scott, Jared, and Val--happy b-day again), and had many-a sick days with the kids (not as fun). I can't even tell everyone how fun it was to visit with so many friends, play, go snowboarding with, have roads close and stay longer, and just have fun. Plus, I got to drive up to Oregon and stay with Jess' family and it was a blast! I laughed so hard and had a great time. Emily and her little boy Brody were there too and the boys played so well together! Kade saw his first basketball game, we went swimming, we tried to pull them in the sled in the backyard but when you're running in a foot of snow--well, it's not so fast and they get a little bored I guess. All-in-all, we played games (games are my FAVORITE!!!) ate junk food, watched movies, and just laughed the whole month! I love you all and miss you already!

Play'n in the snow at Grandmas

For those of you who didn't know me and the boys are in Utah now for a few weeks. The boys did so good on the flight here. The pilot of the plane asked Kade if he wanted to check out cockpit before the flight. It was so sweet, he brought him in, moved the seat for him, gave him his hat and everything. Then mid-way through he came on the intercome and did a shoutout for Kade. It was adorable.
They love the snow. It's so funny to watch Kade and his cousin Gavin just maul each other and laugh during the whole process. It's adorable.

CHRISTMAS!

Christmas was great! The boys both got bikes and love them! It's nice enough here that we could go out right away and get started. Lucas was a little more surprised then Kaden however, I guess Kade figured that since he asked Santa--it was in the bag. Luke woke up at 5:30 and just sang in his crib till 6:30--asked for a book and just hung out till Kade woke up.By 7:00, Kade was awake and more excited to brush his teeth then I've ever seen (sorta the requirement). Then we all ran downstairs. His shocked face was the result of gifts under the tree (we didn't put any of them out before)that he didn't really notice his bike. Luke wasn't interested at all in un-wrapping gifts--he just wanted to sit on his bike all morning long. I love having kids during Christmas. YAY

Jess' sister Melodie and her husband Justin are here visiting, and it's been so nice to share the season with more family. (Plus--we all love yams so we had an excuse to make TONS) Not to mention that they look smashing in their footy pajamas!


Kade is starting to write notes now. The other day I was reading my scriptures and he came in to ask what it was about. I told him that it taught me that I should be nice to my family, and then went to go check on the loud bang that came from Lukes room (he likes to throw things). When I got back, Kade had written, "B nis too ur famle" in my notes. So precious I thought.
Ooh, other exciting news is my friend Brittany--she won both showcases in "The Price is Right" WOO WOO. If anyone wants to watch--it airs January 17th!

Thanksgiving

Emily, Jess' sister, and her little boy Brody came to share Thanksgiving with us this year. They were able to stay for 2 weeks and it was AWESOME. Just so everyone knows--I've done studies and tests of my own and 2 weeks is the perfect visiting time. You have enough time to get out of the visitor mode--and into casual comfortable fun mode. I loved having them here! The boys played so well together! FUN


KADE TURNED 4!!!



YAY---It was INSANE--and fun and INSANE! He wanted a Transformer party this year and his favorite part was having the car races outside with the other kids. And--not to brag or anything (that's totally what it is though-he he)--but I made his cake again--and it totally worked out the way I wanted it too. YIPPEE! (now--those who are better then me--don't look at it and say--wow--that's pretty sad that that is how she wanted it to turn out. You can think it--just don't say it! :)

Winn Family

Our family is doing great! Life is so fun and our two little boys are as boyish as ever! Kade has stayed busy learning to swim and dive while Luke just loves kicking around the pool in his floaters. The weather has been awesome and they're probably not going to close the pool until the 28th of October (woo woo).

Kaders

Because of the love both our boys have for superhero’s, it’s no surprise that for Halloween Kade’s going to be Spiderman and Luke is....BATMAN. Kade’s already had his first trick-or-treating excitement this year from “boo at the zoo” with some of his friends from the neighborhood. They went on the haunted Carasel, into the dark bat cave, and found their way out of the scary corn maze and loved it!
Kade is also having so much fun learning to read. He’s been doing a “study time” every morning and now is so eager to start and never wants to end. His eagerness to learn new things is astounding! We love this boy! (Kade is scaring the girls with his vampire teeth in the picture above)

Staff Sargent Falling Rock Winn

We are so so happy and proud of Jess for making Staff Sargent! He was promoted and will pin on early in the summer! WOO WOO!
Also–a treat for our ward–Jess performed, “The Legend of Falling Rock” which, for those of Jess’ family know–is an old favorite. It was the hit of the ward talent show–the missionaries in the ward recorded it from the back of the room and let us have a copy–we’ll see how well you can see it–but let me assure you–Jess put on a top performance.

Lucas

Lucas is as independent if not more then ever! He’s crazy this one. He knows what he wants and is very determined to get it. Example one–yesterday we were all eating sugar cookies and I gave him a piece of mine–he shook his head and pointed and the remainder of the cookie in my hand–so I broke off more, and no–not that–No...he only wanted a WHOLE cookie. Once he had it–All Smiles. He's so funny--we love that little one.
For quite a long time the only words that he would say were, “Dad”, “Mom”, and “Batman” hump and Luke speaks much more now–communicates like crazy and understands nearly everything. We love watching him grow! It’s amazing to see him progress each day. Aren’t kids amazing!

Underpants Update

We have two little boys now. If anyone is surprised by the fact that underpants, or the lack thereof, are a major part of every day of our lives, it's pretty safe to assume you've never been involved in raising boys. I'll fill you in some some of the basic underpants facts.
Common Underpants Issues include:
-who is currently wearing underpants
-which of the various super-characters are sponsoring said underpants
-whether or not there are currently any foreign objects in the underpants
-are the underpants being worn under the pants/shorts
-are the underpants even being worn on the correct half of the body
-is it necessary to cover the underpants with some other form of clothing while at church
-who is included in the group "People who are truly interested in the super-character on your underpants"
-who is most assuredly not included in the aforementioned group
-etc.

As a dad, I keep some pretty tight books. I track electricity usage (I spend at least twenty minutes a day turning lights off), socks without matches, and of course, underpants related issues. Math isn't my strong suit, so I may be off slightly, but I put a list together of topics we cover most in our home. You probably won't be surprised.

Winn Family Issues
(In order of importance)
21% - Underpants and Underpants related topics
14% - Why is this object slimy
12% - Who hit whom
10% - Gravity works every time
9% - We can call things, but not people, fat
8% - Grapes only go in your mouth
7% - Eat your dinner
6% - That's not a hat
5% - Why is there ketchup on this
5% - You can't feed rocks to your brother
4% - Miscellaneous
Total - 102%

I tried to make a pie chart, but it ended up looking like regular pie, which of course would have ended up with one of the boys licking the computer monitor. It had to go, for safety's sake. In any case, it's clearly been illustrated that underpants and underpants-related issues dominate the conversation here. As such, I feel it expedient to share some of the underpants knowledge Cari and I have acquired in the last three years. For any of you who will be part of the Great Underpants Experiment in the future, or who are already participating in raising boys of their own, we truly hope that we will have made a difference.

Underpants Advice
1- Underpants that do not have a cartoon character on them are as useful as an underwater bicycle. We have several pair of underpants in bright, vibrant colors. They sit in the back of the drawer retaining their brightness and beauty because they have never been worn. At one point I tried to put a pair of them on Kaden, who looked at me with true sincerity and said, "Daddy, those aren't underpants, there's nobody on them!"
2- Underpants, as far as a boy is concerned, are a complete outfit in and of themselves. Coincidentally, this sentiment extends into manhood, and nearly every male will truly believe this until the day he dies. The difference is that, often, little boys are too fast and their mothers can't catch them in order to burden them with actual pants. Older gentlemen are typically much slower and it's fairly easy for a wife or girlfriend to wrangle one into a pair of pants for a nice evening out.
3- Underpants interest everyone. If you aren't spellbound by who or what is currently gracing the undergarments of a little boy, you are clearly unstable, and will probably be committed any time now.
4- Underpants do not get 'dirty.' Underpants, and most especially underpants which are marked with a character currently in vogue, are not soiled no matter what manner of travesty has occurred on/in them during the day. They are fine for wearing after the bath, the next day, to church, or anywhere else. If you don't agree with this, there's a pretty good chance that someone's not going to wear any underpants at all.
5- Underpants are transferable, and in some situations are as good as hard currency.
6- Underpants are a fine topic of conversation, no matter what that crowd. In fact, the older the person, the more likely it is that underpants will be a main point of any verbal interaction.
7- Underpants, as far as my boys are concerned, can stop bullets, leap higher than building, run faster than a speeding train, and are the only substance known to man which shields Superman from the effects of kryptonite (which explains why he wore his drawers where he did, now that I think about it...)

Truly an amazing piece of clothing. And it's amazing that you learn all this from two little boys who's combined age is only 4 years!
Hopefully I've offered some bits of knowledge that will aid you on your underpants journey. Or if you don't have a house full of little boys, at least clue you in as to what life's like in our underpant-based reality.
Until next time!

Remind me again why I'm working so hard for these people....

Plenty of Potatoes, Extra Gravy

When I got word that I'd be going to D.C. for several weeks to study, we set up a little trip for Cari to visit Nikki. As we though over how this would work, it seemed like it would be great for everybody. Nikki would have company while her husband was deployed, Cari would pass time with her sister who she has'nt seen in quite a while, the boys would play with thier cousin Michael, and I could come over and enjoy being with my family on weekends.

This would have worked perfectly, but we didn't factor in one critical piece of information: boys express thier love through violence.

Kade is three, Luke is one, and Nikki's son, Michael is two. There's no way that I could have known beforehand, but according to Little Boy Law, boys are required to hit someone every ten minutes. The only time when hitting is not required is while asleep, though it is still highly encouraged. Three-year olds are also required to submit a "tattle-tale" report for each hitting incident. This is a lot of work, and it's easy to see why little boys need naps and extra dessert to help keep the energy levels high enough to meet the rigorous requirements.

Our boys are nothing but patriots, and in keeping with Little Boy Law, they all three did their best to hit someone every ten minutes. As the adults were generally larger than the children, the boys chose to hit eachother most often, though not exclusively.

Often Luke would hit the Jax, the two-month-old baby. He also fulfilled the hitting requirement on my bald head several times. (I'm not sure what attracts him to my noggin, but he loves to smack my freshly shorn head. He giggles uncontrollably whenever he gets a chance to do this, which incidentally is usually when I'm sleeping or attempting to do so.)

Kade put most of his energy into hitting Luke and Michael equally. However, he's just recently learned the power of the lie, so if you ask him, he'll tell you that he never hit a soul, and that if there's any hitting going on, he definately wasn't involved.

Michael had to put a good portion of his hitting towards building up a good defense. With Kade being slightly larger, and Luke being somewhat unscrupulous about actually waiting 10 minutes before hitting again, Michael's tactic was something like the "Shock and Awe" concept from the Second Gulf War. He would wait until things reached a critical point and suddenly drop a slapping on the head of either Kade or Luke with perfect precision. It was truly a sight to behold.

None of the boys was seriously injured, though there is some speculation that Luke's nose might not heal straight. (Kade has no idea why there is a Lego-shaped bruise on Michael's forehead, the committee is still investigating the situation.) And even if someone had really laid a beating on someone else, that's not the point of this little story.

It was beautiful to watch them beat the tar out of each other. It was hectic and stressful as well, but it was worth it. I'll explain this:

I grew up without any brothers. This is not my parents fault, as they tried (unsuccesfully) four more times to produce a staggeringly attractive male heir like thier firstborn. They did their best, and I love my sisters. But I always wanted a brother. I always thought it would be fun to have someone to confide in and fight with and grow up with. I've got friends that are as close to brothers as is possible, and I love them both as much as I ever would love a brother, but it's just not the same.

Watching my boys beat the living tar out of eachother (or thier cousin, or their mother, or the freaky rabbit toy that sang some unrecognizable song) makes my heart feel light. Knowing that for all the hitting and pinching and fighting, they'll still grow up to have eachother as brothers is worth every smack on my sleepy head. Knowing that they'll have cousins their age who they'll love and miss when they're apart is worth every second I spent cleaning macaroni and cheese from off the ceiling (no, I'm not kidding...all over the ceiling).

It was nothing less than joyous to watch them play and laugh and run, and seeing them reminded me of what an amazing blessing it is to have them all in my life. It was a crazy couple of weeks, but I'd do it all again.

LUKES 3rd WORD, "BATMAN"



DADDY DINOSAUR

Happy Father....???

Nov. 2006

I'm working at nights right now, so I usually sleep from about 9 in the morning to two or three in the afternoon...and I use the term 'sleep' in the most general of senses. Yesterday 'morning' (about 1 p.m.) I woke up to the sounds of the three year old in the bathroom. I congratulated myself on having such a competent kid, all going to the bathroom by himself and what, and rolled back over. Then I hear this, "I poo'd on the floor."
As you can imagine, this made me more than just a little curious. Leaping from the bed like a cat...perhaps a cat who has just recently been placed in a burlap sack and beaten senseless, I stumbled to the bathroom to find, you guessed it. Poo, right there on the floor where he said it was going to be.
I proceeded to interrogate the accused, asking questions like, "Kade, how did the poo get on the floor?" To which I would get answers like, "It came out of my bum."
This went on for about 10 minutes, like a watered-down Guantanamo QandA session. I would try to rephrase my questions so as to properly project my message, which was 'how did the poo get on the floor.' Alas, all I got from the three year old, who might I mention was not bothered in the least by the fact that there was a poo on the floor, was the obvious chain of events answer. 'It came out of my bum. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.'
"This kid is good," I thought to myself. So I gave up. I cleaned up the poo, with the assistance of my staff of highly trained home sanitation specialists (Cari). I've not had to deal with the problem again, though I doubt very much that this will be the last death match between our floor and some poo that I will ever referee.
As best as I can figure, I have two options as a father. The first would be to develop a bi-lateral parenting plan in which Cari and I would tackle the problem based on the strengths that both of us bring to the relationship. I would maybe play some fun imagination games about traveling through a poo jungle and not stepping on the dangerous poo-traps on the ground, which of course I would segue into a lesson about not putting dangerous poo-traps on the floor of the bathroom. Cari could use her mothering instict to express our love as parents but in no uncertain words let Kake know that if he ever poos on the floor again we will chain him in the basement for the rest of his childhood and adolescent years, and that he'd better hope that we either remember to throw food down the stairs every once in a while or that we suddenly develop an infestation of fat, slow, easy-to-catch rats that he can eat or he will starve to death down there.
The other option is to coat the entire house and everything we own in Teflon. I would install a drain in the lowest point in the house and just hose the entire place down once a week. I would probably even get one of those hose add-on things and put a little disinfectant in the mix. "Any job worth doing is worth doing well," I would tell myself.
I've been thinking about which one would be more effective, and based on the fact that I'd dealing with a three year old, and the accompanied threat of dealing with a rash of three year old's in the future, I'm currently looking for a good Teflon dealer. If anybody knows one, lemme know...

Not only is Jess busy at work--what with doing his part saving the world from terrorism..but he's also in charge of the Newsletter for the Air Force here. It's been great for him to try something new, and something he loves! Not to mention he's great at it. That boy can write. It has also been a fantastic tool for allowing him to get to know his superiors. The Commander of the base knows him personally and has thanked him on a few occasions for his great work.

D.C.

D.C. was soooo much fun. Jess was able to take a dialect course up at George Washington University that lasted for 6 weeks. After he'd been there for 2 of those, Cari and the kids drove to D.C. to visit with her sister Nikki for almost 3 weeks. It was the perfect amount of time. The kids all got sick the first week but after that it was smooth sailing. Kade loved going downtown and seeing the dinosaurs, playing at the park like everyday, he even liked the fireworks this year!
Luke and Michael got along so adorably. They seem to just have the same spark of independence and playfulness...cute kids. They all wrestled, and ran and ate and--didn't eat, and had such a great time.


Jess in the meantime was hard at work...He did so well in his curicullem (smart kid that one!) and feels so much more confident in his understanding of the language. Jess' class was quicker then they had expected and the teachers ran out of curriculem a little early. They then filled their time with real learning tools like...making Hummas, and field trips to Arabic restaraunts and book stores, and museums...he loved every second of it. We were able to spend the weekends and the 4th with Jess and loved every second.


Cari and Nikki caught up on our scrapbooking, scrabble playing, and eating big people food (as opposed to mac and cheese and hot dogs for dinner). Not to mention had a great time laughing together while watching our children laugh and cry and be absolutely crazy together.


Our trip was awesome!