Shut-up

So, after reading Jess' last post, I've decided to write a short rebuttal.
In reply to Jess allegations about my ostentatious behavior while having the flu (and yes, I was the worst of all who partook of it in our household---I'm almost positive.)

A#1: This post was the first I heard of Jess NOT having the flu---The first I heard of him HAVING the flu, was on the first night of the boys throwing up; in this context. "Care, I'm starting to feel a bit sick, but 'someone' really should stay in the boys room to get the bowls to the boys so they don't get it all over." So, you guessed it, that 'someone was me.
Jess was kind enough to go out to the garage to get me a sleeping bag, that much is true, but it was I who got to catch puke all night, changing bed sheets and sleeping in a sleeping bag on the ground between the two boys beds, hoping soo much that they didn't throw up on my head. (strangely enough, this was the night I got sick.)

B#2: I was actually sick

C#3: I looked really good in those pajama pants...all 3 days.

D#4: If I did yell about being so achy at three o'clock in the morning, the only people who heard me were the boys-on the second night--because I was in their room again, making them toast while Jess slept.

E#5: If I didn't "stomp" from room to room, how would anyone know to love me extra because of my ailments?

So, in conclusion--Being sick is stupid, and watching your kids be sick is the worst thing ever! (and we're all MUCH better now and have been for a week) AND...Jess is an excellent FICTIONAL writer. (love you baby!)

The Weekend just Flu by!

Evolution failed significant portions of our small family. Our massively over sized heads and advanced cognitive skills were no match for the virus known only as FLU. The thief stole in at night and secreted its self in the only place nobody would thought to have looked; our stomachs. Safe in the acidic confines of our food smashers, it wrung its little virus hands and twirled its little virus handlebar mustache and cackled its devious virus laugh. After tying our anti-nausea hormones onto the railroad tracks of the dinner train, it smiled happily and waited until the engine blew its whistle.

Luke was the first to fall victim to its evil machinations. As the last of his self control faded, he looked into the sunset with huge doe eyes and sang out, "Don't cry for me, my lasagna! The truth is I never ate you! I ate the corn dogs, I ate the salad, but not the carrots! Then he vomited dramatically onto his pillow.

Kaden was the next casualty, though he fought until the bitter end. He dug out a foxhole in the living room and fired barrage after barrage of covering fire to mask his movements. His fatal mistake was in committing to an undercover intelligence-gathering mission. He slipped out of his covered fighting position and assumed the identity of a slightly weakened child in order to learn the enemy's plans. He tucked himself into bed and took careful notes, which he then ruined with copious amounts of vomit.

Cari tried a Psychological approach. She pretended to feel like crap so that maybe the virus would not notice that it hadn't ruined her pristine health yet. But that virus, he's a manic note-taker, never leaving a single patient without a fully documented and cross-referenced chart. Cari even went to the extremes of making herself throw up and then making a huge deal out of it. "I threw up in the toilet!" She would yell all over the house. "I left it in there because I'm sooooo sick! If someone were to go look at the toilet they would certainly notice the puke that I have just recently thrown up into it!" She stomped from room to room in the same clothes she put on the morning before making sure everyone saw her unshowered, un-deodorized self. She flopped all over in the bed, and complained about sore joints and achy muscles. "Oh, I can't believe how bad I feel! Certainly I already have the flu, for me to feel this poorly at three in the morning" she would announce loudly to anyone within earshot. But she fell prey to the little intruders machinations with a fury and frequency that was unmatched by any of the previous sufferers.

I was the only one who truly outsmarted the microscopic invader. The flu set up a full-blown corporate take over in my abdomen. Accountant viruses swarmed in from dull little virus accountant offices all over the nation. Virus lawyers drove their overpriced virus cars into my orifices and parked them directly over my colon, causing no small amount of discomfort. Little middle-manager viruses took economy class virus flights to my stomach and held a trillion-member virusCorp annual corporate retreat in my gut. But I would not be beaten. I immediately developed an antibody stimulus package which I rushed through both sides of the brain, garnering unprecedented bipartisan support. I pushed the plan down to the appendage level quickly, and it quickly took hold. I hibernated. I took the virus completely by surprise and refused to let it rule the digestive organs it desired to put in reverse mode. By shutting down the entire body, I literally bored the virus away. There is so little to be gained by throwing a dormant body into complete biological disarray that the virus gave up quickly and moved onto...probably the neighbors, who knows.

So total score:
Virus - 3
Jess - 1

The rest of the family will be writing to Darwin and asking for their money back. Myself, I'll be chalking it up as a draw, and looking forward to my next run-around with the little bug...bring it Flu!

Extreme Fitness Boot Camp

So, as many of you know, Jess and I have been taking Karate for 6 months or so. And as some of you know, I have loved teaching aerobic classes in the past! The karate school that we attend is having an "Extreme Fitness Boot Camp" starting next week, and I'm teaching the kick boxing (YAY!) part of it!

I'm way excited. (and realizing how out of shape I am as I'm practicing the routines at home--for real, way out of shape. And--not to mention--how cool am I to practice in my living room--by myself)(in case you were thinking--"ha ha, you're retarded" the correct answer is "way cool").

ANYWAY, I told David Jones, our MMA instructor (mixed martial arts) that I would put out a good word for it. After the cardio section he'll be teaching a mini-seminar on self defense and how to protect ourselves. It's for men and women and it's $50 for the public and $40 for those that go to the school. The four classes are on Wednesdays and Saturdays, and if you register before the 17th you get a free pair of cardio handwraps to boot!

So, if anyone is interested just let me know, and I'll tell you where to register for it. It should be awesome--YAY--I'm excited.

Just a regular Monday Afternoon

So...today the boys had a few friends over and....turns out the weeks of rain have resulted in a section of mud in the back yard....that I didn't exactly know about when I had them go outside so we could cook dinner. THAT RESULTED in this:







It made me laugh lots....then lots of baths...but fun!

Christmas!

Ha ha--I had to laugh because the fake spoon in this picture looks so much like a pipe in the context. Ha ha! Lucas got a kitchen this year for Christmas (one that he's wanted FOREVER and Jess decided that it wasn't too "girly" as long as it was guy colors this year.) He's playing with it ALL THE TIME! I love it, he makes us cakes, dinners, drinks...it's in the kitchen with me and he cooks when I do. I love it! (good idea Rachel) Kaden got the Harry Potter books (we're on the third and he loves them!) and--drum role--some Pokemon cards from Santa--oh how did he know they would just rock his little world! The kid LOVES them. Not to mention the family Wii, Madagascar 2 game, and the Disney Scene it! Thank you everyone for the great gifts for the kids! We got so many games this year and we've LOVED playing them! YAY! Okay--for real, I wasn't so sure about the Wii initially...now we love it! All of us play it and it's so so so much fun! Go Mario Kart! The boys letter from Santa...we spread out "reindeer food" Christmas Eve night that Kade got from school (oatmeal and glitter--awesome recipe). Kade was excited too because Santa--from Lights of the South---told him that'd be great! Luke got a new bike for Christmas. He was semi excited to ride it (a little scared) Once out, he did pretty good...good pedal movement, good size bike....then he fell and scraped his knee---he was pretty bummed. He just wanted to walk home. These are from Lights of the South. It was pretty cute! It was a hay ride around Christmas lights of anything from the Christmas scene to batman to a giant castle that you take the ride through. It was fun, then at the end we met Santa (an excellent one by the way) and roasted marshmallows (and yes, they were a dollar for 4--ha ha) We went with our good friends the Thompsons and it was awesome! Christmas Eve this year was awesome. The boys loved it. We made up clues for the boys that led them from the house to the garage to their favorite climbing rock down by the creek. At each step they picked up a piece for their final puzzle. In the middle the clue led us home for dinner, where we had Chinese food waiting! (the boys have been wanting to use chop sticks for FOREVER, so we siezed the opportunity). In the end they each put together their puzzles and found their gifts--surprise--PAJAMAS!!! It was a lot shorter then we thought though. They had had dinner, were dressed in their new Iron Man robes...and it was 5:00 p.m. he he. So we all watched a movie, read the Christmas story and hit the sack! It was great and they LOVE scavenger hunts to pieces so it was just perfect!