The Weekend just Flu by!

Evolution failed significant portions of our small family. Our massively over sized heads and advanced cognitive skills were no match for the virus known only as FLU. The thief stole in at night and secreted its self in the only place nobody would thought to have looked; our stomachs. Safe in the acidic confines of our food smashers, it wrung its little virus hands and twirled its little virus handlebar mustache and cackled its devious virus laugh. After tying our anti-nausea hormones onto the railroad tracks of the dinner train, it smiled happily and waited until the engine blew its whistle.

Luke was the first to fall victim to its evil machinations. As the last of his self control faded, he looked into the sunset with huge doe eyes and sang out, "Don't cry for me, my lasagna! The truth is I never ate you! I ate the corn dogs, I ate the salad, but not the carrots! Then he vomited dramatically onto his pillow.

Kaden was the next casualty, though he fought until the bitter end. He dug out a foxhole in the living room and fired barrage after barrage of covering fire to mask his movements. His fatal mistake was in committing to an undercover intelligence-gathering mission. He slipped out of his covered fighting position and assumed the identity of a slightly weakened child in order to learn the enemy's plans. He tucked himself into bed and took careful notes, which he then ruined with copious amounts of vomit.

Cari tried a Psychological approach. She pretended to feel like crap so that maybe the virus would not notice that it hadn't ruined her pristine health yet. But that virus, he's a manic note-taker, never leaving a single patient without a fully documented and cross-referenced chart. Cari even went to the extremes of making herself throw up and then making a huge deal out of it. "I threw up in the toilet!" She would yell all over the house. "I left it in there because I'm sooooo sick! If someone were to go look at the toilet they would certainly notice the puke that I have just recently thrown up into it!" She stomped from room to room in the same clothes she put on the morning before making sure everyone saw her unshowered, un-deodorized self. She flopped all over in the bed, and complained about sore joints and achy muscles. "Oh, I can't believe how bad I feel! Certainly I already have the flu, for me to feel this poorly at three in the morning" she would announce loudly to anyone within earshot. But she fell prey to the little intruders machinations with a fury and frequency that was unmatched by any of the previous sufferers.

I was the only one who truly outsmarted the microscopic invader. The flu set up a full-blown corporate take over in my abdomen. Accountant viruses swarmed in from dull little virus accountant offices all over the nation. Virus lawyers drove their overpriced virus cars into my orifices and parked them directly over my colon, causing no small amount of discomfort. Little middle-manager viruses took economy class virus flights to my stomach and held a trillion-member virusCorp annual corporate retreat in my gut. But I would not be beaten. I immediately developed an antibody stimulus package which I rushed through both sides of the brain, garnering unprecedented bipartisan support. I pushed the plan down to the appendage level quickly, and it quickly took hold. I hibernated. I took the virus completely by surprise and refused to let it rule the digestive organs it desired to put in reverse mode. By shutting down the entire body, I literally bored the virus away. There is so little to be gained by throwing a dormant body into complete biological disarray that the virus gave up quickly and moved onto...probably the neighbors, who knows.

So total score:
Virus - 3
Jess - 1

The rest of the family will be writing to Darwin and asking for their money back. Myself, I'll be chalking it up as a draw, and looking forward to my next run-around with the little bug...bring it Flu!