Underpants Update

We have two little boys now. If anyone is surprised by the fact that underpants, or the lack thereof, are a major part of every day of our lives, it's pretty safe to assume you've never been involved in raising boys. I'll fill you in some some of the basic underpants facts.
Common Underpants Issues include:
-who is currently wearing underpants
-which of the various super-characters are sponsoring said underpants
-whether or not there are currently any foreign objects in the underpants
-are the underpants being worn under the pants/shorts
-are the underpants even being worn on the correct half of the body
-is it necessary to cover the underpants with some other form of clothing while at church
-who is included in the group "People who are truly interested in the super-character on your underpants"
-who is most assuredly not included in the aforementioned group
-etc.

As a dad, I keep some pretty tight books. I track electricity usage (I spend at least twenty minutes a day turning lights off), socks without matches, and of course, underpants related issues. Math isn't my strong suit, so I may be off slightly, but I put a list together of topics we cover most in our home. You probably won't be surprised.

Winn Family Issues
(In order of importance)
21% - Underpants and Underpants related topics
14% - Why is this object slimy
12% - Who hit whom
10% - Gravity works every time
9% - We can call things, but not people, fat
8% - Grapes only go in your mouth
7% - Eat your dinner
6% - That's not a hat
5% - Why is there ketchup on this
5% - You can't feed rocks to your brother
4% - Miscellaneous
Total - 102%

I tried to make a pie chart, but it ended up looking like regular pie, which of course would have ended up with one of the boys licking the computer monitor. It had to go, for safety's sake. In any case, it's clearly been illustrated that underpants and underpants-related issues dominate the conversation here. As such, I feel it expedient to share some of the underpants knowledge Cari and I have acquired in the last three years. For any of you who will be part of the Great Underpants Experiment in the future, or who are already participating in raising boys of their own, we truly hope that we will have made a difference.

Underpants Advice
1- Underpants that do not have a cartoon character on them are as useful as an underwater bicycle. We have several pair of underpants in bright, vibrant colors. They sit in the back of the drawer retaining their brightness and beauty because they have never been worn. At one point I tried to put a pair of them on Kaden, who looked at me with true sincerity and said, "Daddy, those aren't underpants, there's nobody on them!"
2- Underpants, as far as a boy is concerned, are a complete outfit in and of themselves. Coincidentally, this sentiment extends into manhood, and nearly every male will truly believe this until the day he dies. The difference is that, often, little boys are too fast and their mothers can't catch them in order to burden them with actual pants. Older gentlemen are typically much slower and it's fairly easy for a wife or girlfriend to wrangle one into a pair of pants for a nice evening out.
3- Underpants interest everyone. If you aren't spellbound by who or what is currently gracing the undergarments of a little boy, you are clearly unstable, and will probably be committed any time now.
4- Underpants do not get 'dirty.' Underpants, and most especially underpants which are marked with a character currently in vogue, are not soiled no matter what manner of travesty has occurred on/in them during the day. They are fine for wearing after the bath, the next day, to church, or anywhere else. If you don't agree with this, there's a pretty good chance that someone's not going to wear any underpants at all.
5- Underpants are transferable, and in some situations are as good as hard currency.
6- Underpants are a fine topic of conversation, no matter what that crowd. In fact, the older the person, the more likely it is that underpants will be a main point of any verbal interaction.
7- Underpants, as far as my boys are concerned, can stop bullets, leap higher than building, run faster than a speeding train, and are the only substance known to man which shields Superman from the effects of kryptonite (which explains why he wore his drawers where he did, now that I think about it...)

Truly an amazing piece of clothing. And it's amazing that you learn all this from two little boys who's combined age is only 4 years!
Hopefully I've offered some bits of knowledge that will aid you on your underpants journey. Or if you don't have a house full of little boys, at least clue you in as to what life's like in our underpant-based reality.
Until next time!